Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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