Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
