U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
