I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
