Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
