My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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