i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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