Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
