i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
