You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
