so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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