I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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