I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
