How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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