we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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