My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize