she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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