Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
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Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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