i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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