I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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