If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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