Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
