I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
