its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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