i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
