I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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