You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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