I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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