saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
