i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
