I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
