anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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