Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
did you just send me my own nude
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
