His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
