Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
