i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
