the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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