Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
