My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
