You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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