Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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