The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Nobody cheats on THIS.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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