The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
