...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
