I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
