fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
