Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
