Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
