can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
