He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
