i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
