Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
