We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
