My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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