so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
