oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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