I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
