You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
