Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You pole danced in your parka.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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