I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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