I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
