found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
