Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize