seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
