Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
