I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Gay?
German.
Pity.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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