Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
