I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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