I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
