kristin has been a bad kristin
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
