It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
