i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
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