my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize