My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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