Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This is the high leading the old right now
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
