dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
