and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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